5-PART IN-DEPTH ARTICLE SERIES ON ANXIETY“ | ARTICLE 1: The True Nature of Anxiety: The Emotion We Misunderstand Most

“ANXIETY: Understanding the Signal, Releasing the Fear, and Returning to Yourself”

ARTICLE 1: The True Nature of Anxiety: The Emotion We Misunderstand Most

Anxiety – the poison we unwittingly allow into our lives.

Most good-hearted women believe anxiety is a sign that something is wrong with them.

That they’re weak.

That they’re overthinking.

Or that they’re “too sensitive.”

Those thoughts are the furthest thing from the truth.

One of the most common struggles I see in the good-hearted women with whom I work to help free them from emotional struggles is emotional anxiety, not as a medical condition, but as an emotional one. It’s one of the most painful and confusing emotional experiences they face, and many quietly assume it means something is wrong with them.

But anxiety is not a flaw.

It’s a signal, and it’s one of the most important emotional signals we have to help us grow.

In fact, anxiety is the emotional equivalent of a dashboard warning light.

It doesn’t mean the car is broken.

It means something inside needs attention.

Anxiety is the internal emotional conflict between what we want to do and what we feel we ‘should’ do or are expected to do.

That single sentence explains why anxiety feels like pressure, urgency, guilt, or dread. It is the emotional tension between your truth and your conditioning.

How Anxiety Shows Up in the Body

Women describe anxiety as:

• a racing heart

• heat rising through the chest

• restlessness

• tightness in the throat

• difficulty breathing

• the sense that “I need to do something right now, more or better.”

These sensations are not random.

They are the body’s way of saying:

“You are living between two competing truths.”

Analogy: The Two Horses

Imagine you’re holding the reins of two horses.

One horse is pulling you toward what you want: rest, honesty, boundaries, and authenticity.

The other horse is pulling you toward what you feel you should do: please, perform, comply, and avoid disappointing others.

Anxiety is not the horses - anxiety is the tension in the reins.

The harder the horses pull in opposite directions, the more intense the anxiety becomes.

Why Women Feel It More

Good-hearted women feel anxiety more intensely because they carry more “shoulds” than anyone else.

They were raised to be:

• agreeable

• responsible

• emotionally available

• self-sacrificing

• non-disruptive

So, when a woman’s want contradicts a lifelong should, anxiety appears instantly and it often feels paralyzing and insurmountable.  But here’s the thing:  Good-hearted women never have any needs for the “shoulds”; nobody has ever told you that, but it’s true – and here’s why.

As a good-hearted woman, by definition, you are already kind, considerate, and compassionate.  The “shoulds” we learned in childhood were to teach us how to be a good-hearted person.  Since you already are good-hearted, you no longer have any need to follow those childhood “shoulds” because you are never going to intentionally harm anyone.  

Those “shoulds” that continue into adulthood are for those people who are solely egocentric; those people need the “shoulds” so that they know how to exist within society and fit in as best as possible – that is not you, as a good-hearted woman!

APACHE Lens

My APACHE theory and framework, which I use for all the good-hearted women with whom I work, frames the steps of growth out of the path of anxiety – when we allow it.

• Awareness: Notice the conflict.

• Permission: Allow yourself to acknowledge it.

• Acceptance: Accept that anxiety is a signal, not a flaw.

• Choice: You get to choose which truth aligns with you.

• Healing: Healing begins when you stop abandoning yourself.

• Embodiment: Embodiment is living from your desire, not from the expectations of others.

You deserve the life you want, and since you will always consider others, now it’s time you consider your needs just as importantly.

I say to my clients with this issue, as well as others with similar sentiments:  

Question: “Do you know who wonders whether they are too selfish?”

Answer: “Only those who are not too selfish, because those who are too selfish, never ask the question.”

You matter, and I’m here to ensure, as best as I possibly can, to make sure you – 

“Become the She that you were meant to be.”

In Article 2, we will discuss how those “shoulds” become so impactful and start us on the path to anxiety.

Read article 2 here: https://www.captivecoachingandempowerment.com/post/5-part-in-depth-article-series-on-anxiety-article-2-the-origin-of-anxiety-how-shoulds-shape-a