Fear is like a Sword and Thus a Tool

“Fear is like a sword and thus a tool; used outward, it can slay 1000 dragons, used inward, it can kill but one.”
– Dave Jones, Founder, Captive Coaching and Empowerment

It's amazing, whether we're discussing an executive in a boardroom presentation or a PGA Pro's 3 ft birdie putt, and everywhere in between, FEAR can be a real killer. But what most people don't realize is that FEAR truly is a tool that we CAN make work FOR us instead of always against us. Clients of mine – whether it's the executive, the pro golfer, or the average individual in my FEAR seminar – usually find that concept somewhat unbelievable. But it’s true.

Consider this fact: a client – I’ll call him Will – is on the PGA Tour and has a 3-foot putt that he knows may make the difference between a good year and a great year, or a poor year and a good year. That putt wouldn’t win him the tournament, but may elevate him from 11th place to 8th, 9th, or 10th. And that IS a big deal for him. So why does he miss it? He’s made literally thousands of putts previously of the same length – so why now, AND why is he so nervous standing over the putt preparing to make the stroke?

I had a client once who was a financial advisor and investment executive, and he came to me and wanted to increase his production; he wanted to become the best in his firm. Stan had followed in his father’s footsteps in the profession, but his father was with a different firm. My client felt he was a screw-up, and some had told him that growing up, he was always compared to his father as well as his brothers and sister.

Frankly, he was tired of it and wanted to get ‘serious’ about life. I went through my typical interview to determine whether I felt I could help him AND whether I felt he was serious and committed enough for me to take him on as a client.

Very quickly, I realized something that he did not – he truly had no level of committed interest in releasing the capabilities within himself to become the picture of success he had in his mind. What he DID have was the unbelievably strong desire to NOT disappoint his father and to NOT become the ‘failure’ he felt himself to be. Make sense? He essentially had created a conundrum of mega status in his mind that needed to be freed. After all, how could he become something he did not think he could? Typically, that type of sentiment dooms an individual to failure. BUT he also had the intense desire not to disappoint his dad with his levels of business, so he had to measure up!

The conflict that resulted in this young executive was tremendous – in one aspect, the conflict had served a purpose; it kept him ‘treading’ water, not excelling but not failing drastically. But the internal consequences of the paradoxical conflict were tremendous, and if not dealt with, could end his life. He had incredible levels of stress, anxiety, and pressure that often led him to abuse alcohol as an escape. His Fears were controlling his life, and they impacted everything – relationships of all kinds, his girlfriend, friends, and the internal conflict impacted his relationship with his Dad, his most important relationship in the world.

We worked for two months with different assignments, exercises, and conversations designed to allow him to truly gain perspective and awareness of ‘Self’. What I helped him discover was that he was truly stuck inside a lie he told himself, and in fact, the deepest and most underlying issue was none of the things he’d previously thought, I call them ‘backstories’.

Once discovering one’s backstories, the rest becomes very freeing and painless, and people are then able to discover their Purpose and Passion. That’s what happened to Stan, and when he found that purpose and passion and was able to see that his uniqueness brought so much to the ‘table’ that he OWED it to his clients to share his expertise to protect them from the abusers out there. I had Stan really consider the most important people in his life – his father and his deceased mother, and had him consider his feelings if they had been ‘taken’ by an unscrupulous financial advisor.

Believe it or not, Stan realized that his fear of people being ‘taken’ was far greater than any concern of whether he was ‘valuable’ in his OR his father’s eyes. He realized that because he had to acknowledge that if he didn’t do the best damned job he could do in finding and serving the needs of Americans, then HE would also be contributing to the theft and the lack of regulated protection of the consumer.

Fear can be the greatest limiting factor we can allow to impact our lives, but if properly understood, some fears can be the greatest motivator. Get help in discovering and realizing your fears – the underlying fears may be key to your personal fulfillment.

-Dave Jones